That big ball of death (or as I like to call it, the "Death Moon") has been detected on the long range sensors. It will be here soon, and when it arrives everyone still here will die. It is inevitable.
Today is not a good day to die, so when the Imps get here I plan to be somewhere else.
What are these people thinking? Why don't they give up? Just quit? In this life, you can't win. Oh, they can try, but in the end they're just going to lose, bigtime, because the universe is run by the Emperor. He's everywhere, on Coruscant, out on Tatooine, and every place in between. He dissolved the Senate, and he blew up Alderaan, and he's coming here to kill every last rebel.
That kid, the farmboy...he's so full of potential and naiveté. He's crushing on the ice princess, hardcore. For all I know, that could be his very first love. And when the Empire gets here they're going to disintegrate him.
Gah! How soft have I gotten?
OH! You know who I saw? Biggs! Talk about your small universe! I used to do food runs for his dad back on Tatooine (hey, even I do legitimate runs sometimes, when they pay enough). And I ran across him here, half a galaxy away from the dustball. That really makes you wonder, doesn't it? I mean, what are the odds? Of all the planets in all the galaxies in all the universe, we both ended up on this one. It...it boggles the mind! Who else am I going to run into? It's like, there are quadrillions of people out there, and I keep running into the same dozen or so.
I almost ran over and talked to him, but then Chewie reminded me that I owe him money. Well, I did just get paid, but that doesn't mean I've suddenly become loose with my change. So, nice seeing you, Biggs (especially since you didn't see me).
Anyway, there is one good thing about coming here. Well, two actually. I got paid, first of all. Not as much as I imagined, but a lot. It was definitely worth my while, even having to put up with Her Worship the long trip here. I can pay my debt off and then some. I got the feeling they didn't care very much. Why be stingy when everyone is going to be dead soon? Boy is my timing great or what? They hardly negotiated. :-D
The second thing was after I loaded my take on the falcon. I was off to look for Chewie when I smelled something...familiar. Something that reminded me of my (short) time at the academy. My roommate had gotten a care package...
I smelled brownies.
I LOVE brownies.
Sitting off on his own was a stout fellow with a box full of the lovely brown sugary treats. Of COURSE I struck up a conversation.
His name is Jek. It turns out, his mom sent them to him. She's been sending him care packages every month [note to self: Smuggling runs for the rebels could be profitable. If I were staying. Which I'm not]. Cookies, fudge, and this time, brownies. He didn't look too happy about it, though. See, he's been trying to lose weight. His squadron leader has been threatening to take him off the Reds if he keeps gaining weight. But, worse than that is what his fellow pilots have started calling him: Porkins. Ouch.
Now, I've never been teased for the way I look (I mean, seriously, LOOK AT ME), but I did grow up poor and was teased about that. Man, I hate bullies. I'd say 'kids can be so cruel' but it doesn't change when they grow up. PEOPLE can be so cruel.
Poor Jek. So many people are teasing him now that some of the new recruits don't even know his name. They actually think it's Porkins. Can you believe that? Dumbasses.
We had a great talk, about the impending doom, what it's like to be teased, and of course, brownies. He finished the one he was eating and handed the rest of the box to me. A whole box of brownies.
I love him.
Anyway, he resolved to turn his life around. He's determined to get in shape, and it seems to me that he has the willpower to do it. He's going to write to his mom and ask her to stop sending treats (out of sight, out of mind).
About that time, Chewie came back, so Jek and I said our goodbyes.
"So long, Ham," he teased.
"See ya around, Porkins," I teased back. Ham and Porkins. What a team we would be.
I really hope he makes it.