20051001

It's a Trap! (Run-in, part II)

I'd never seen Fett without his armor on. It was a strange experience. This is a guy we all tend to think about as invincible, but a lot of that is because of his gear. Here he was, gearless, and talking to me as if we were old chums.

The one slight advantage I had was that, while he certainly knew who I was, he didn't know that I knew who he was.

I gave the danger signal to Chewie. He complained of a stomachache and left. He would go up to our room, arm himself, and lay in wait until I got there. If I could manage to get Fett to go with me, as he was right now without his gear, and with Chewie laying a trap for him, we *MIGHT* stand a chance.

The trick would be to get him to follow me up to my room. The standard ploys wouldn't work ("I'm hiding all these credits in my room, wanna see?" "I kidnapped this princess and she's tied up in my room, wanna see?" etc). If I used any of those, he'd know he'd tipped his hand and probably kill me on the spot (and, if the rumors are accurate, in an extremely painful, slow way).

While I was trying to think of a real plan, I kept ordering drinks. Maybe, I thought, if he was drunk enough to stop thinking straight, and if he thought I was drunk enough to be fairly incapacitated, he might follow me up, planning to kill me there in private. Maybe.

In the meantime, we kept talking. The really sad part is, I actually enjoyed the conversation with him. It was probably the first truly intelligent discussion I'd had in...I don't know how long. He doesn't have much of a sense of humor, but he is serious about his business, and he's no fool. Man, I am about sick of fools. If the rebels could get Fett on their side, they'd actually have a chance of winning this thing.

Anyway, a good plan never came to mind, and my contact finally showed up. I figured it was now or never with Fett. If I could eliminate him as a threat, I'd have a lot more breathing space in this galaxy. So, I went with what I had:

I invited him up to my room, to continue our conversation in private.

Yeah, yeah, I know what you're thinking. You know, I hear that all the time, because I'm single, I'm thin and I'm neat. And I get along well with women. People assume it about me. Not that there's anything wrong with it... of course not! I mean that's fine if that's who you are. People's personal preferences are nobody's business but their own.

Anyway, apparently Fett wasn't drunk enough, or didn't swing that way, or he was on to me. Whatever it was, he excused himself and left. The last thing he said to me was "See you around." When he said it, his eyes looked like he was seeing a corpse. My corpse.

I got the distinct impression that he was going to go gear up and either come back and kill me or wait outside and kill me. Either way, I didn't want to hang around there anymore.

I introduced myself to my contact and we headed up to my room.

(...to be concluded...)
Anonymous BOBBA FETT said...

I was going to watch a late night movie entitled "I know what you drank last summer". Didn't know it was a trap.

10/01/2005 06:22:00 PM  
Blogger Master Yoda said...

You know, I hear that all the time, because I'm single, I'm thin and I'm neat. And I get along well with women. People assume it about me.

People assume that an interior designer you are?

10/02/2005 12:46:00 PM  
Anonymous C3PO said...

I think he meant he gets mistaken for a hairdresser. Not that you would need one, Yoda.

Han, the whole "Vader is my dad" thing is a little confusing. Didn't old Ben think that Vader and Kuke were connected somehow? Just somethin I heard through the grapevine.

And I am NOT playing games with your furball friend again.

C3PO

11/10/2005 01:39:00 PM  
Blogger Han Solo said...

Of course Vader and Kuke are connected. Admiral Kuke is one of the most influential officers in the Imperial armada! What a nut, though, always coming up with hair-brained inventions. He's a ... I don't know what.

"And I am NOT playing games with your furball friend again."

Not very diplomatic of you, protocol droid.

11/10/2005 03:57:00 PM  

20050930

Wrong Place, Wrong Time (Run-in, part I)

Well, THAT was a surreal experience.

So I made it to Tatooine, and I'm waiting in the local bar for my new contact to arrive, and I'm bored out of my mind. No one here is the least bit interesting, and Chewie and I have been together so long, I've heard all his stories about a dozen times.

Well, this guy comes over. I don't know, he seemed kinda familiar, but not really. I couldn't place his face. The bar was a little crowded, so he asked if he could sit at our table (having a wookie around tends to keep regular joes from crowding your space). Any other day, I probably would have told him to scram, but like I said, I was bored.

So he sits down and we start chatting, and we end up on the topic of speeders. Now, I'm a bit of a speed junky from when I used to race swoops, and until recently I had a tricked out little number I could take out for a cruise every now and again. I whipped out a little holo-image of it and start bragging about modifications, so he had to pull out a holo-image of his baby and brag about its upgrades.
Han: (showing off holo-image) Hey man, is this impressive or what?
Guy: You're gonna hafta do one hell of a lot more than that to impress me!
Han: Hey, I've never seen you around man. I'm surprised we never ran into each other.
Guy: Man, I can't keep track of all you punks runnin' 'round here backwards.
Han: Hey, you say you're supposed to be the fastest thing in 'Eisley man, but that can't be your speeder. It must be your mama's speeder! I'm sort of embarrassed to be this close to you.
Guy: Yeah, well I'm not surprised, you with your dust speeder!
Han: Dust speeder? What's a dust speeder?
Guy: A dust speeder runs through the dust plains, picking up bantha poodoo to use as fertilizer.
Han: Haha! That's pretty good. Say, I like the color of your speeder there. What's that supposed to be? Sort of a cross between sarlacc-intestine-yellow and Hutt-slime-green ain't it?
Guy: Well, you call that a finish, but it's pretty ugly. I bet you got to sneak up on the station just to get a little fuel in your tank!
Han: Well, at least I don't have to pull over just to let a funeral go by, man!
Guy: Oh ho, funny!
It was the way he said "Oh ho, funny!" completely without humor. I suddenly recognized the voice, and realized why his face seemed so familiar.

When I was at the Imperial Academy, I met some of the old clone troopers. This guy at my table looked kind of like them, only younger. And though I hadn't heard the voice without microphone distortion before, I could recognize it now.

I was having drinks and a chat with Boba Fett, the bounty hunter out to kill me. And there was no chance that he didn't know who I was.

(...to be continued...)
Blogger Captain Typho said...

What could go wrong? You've got Chewie with you.

9/30/2005 11:44:00 AM  

20050929

Wild Mynock Chase

Mood: Really, really angry.

You have GOT to be kidding me!

So, I meet my contact on Polis Massa and guess what? He doesn't ACTUALLY have the information on who is looking for me or what the job is. He has information on another contact who knows the guy.

This amateur-hour crap really pisses me off. This information couldn't have been sent to me through other channels? I had to come all the way out to fracking Polis Massa?! AND he expected me to pay him for this tip! Tell you what, buddy, I'll let you keep your left arm because I'm in a generous mood. Consider that payment in full.

OH, and guess where the new contact is! Can you guess? I bet you can! TATOOINE! I kid you not.

Why? Why THAT planet? Of all the BILLIONS of planets, why that one? The odds have exceeded all bounds of rationality.

If this whole run-around turns out to be someone yanking my chain...I wouldn't want to be the last contact on the list, you know what I'm saying?
Blogger Chancellor Palpatine said...

I have been to Tatooine recently...and it is really hot. Bring light clothing and lots of sunscreen. Have you seen what too much sun did to my face in Return of the Jedi? Yikes!

9/29/2005 09:25:00 PM  
Blogger Han Solo said...

Did you know that they used to think it was a trinary star system? The reflection from Tatooine made it look like the third star.

It wasn't until exploration vessels reached the system that everyone learned otherwise.

Having stood on the dune plains and stared across the wastelands, white with reflected light, I can certainly understand why.

9/30/2005 09:29:00 AM  
Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

I wouldn't recommend going there. People go there to farm moisture. Hello, it's a desert! There is no moisture. Bunch of ignoridiotses.

9/30/2005 11:01:00 AM  

20050927

Well Well!

Some good news at last:

I got an anonymous tip that someone was looking for me; someone who 1) has a job for me to do AND 2) has information on my father. A sort-of kill-two-bounty-hunters-with-one-shot deal.

I just got to get away from these rebels first. They're not a bad lot, but Luke has started following me around like a lost puppy, or an annoying little brother. I understand that, his entire remaining family was wiped out by the Imps, so it's not like he has anyone else left to turn to. Well, there's her worshipfulness, but he turns to jelly whenever she comes around.

Why *does* she keep coming around? Is it just to make Luke uncomfortable? Is it just to annoy me? It's probably just to get away from all the stuffy bureaucrats. I'd avoid 'em, too. Anyway. It's clear that Luke is still crushing on her. I make eyes at her when Luke is watching, just to rile him, but it's all in jest. I'd never move in on a friend's girl, and it's so obvious that those two will end up together. A farmboy and a princess? Yeah, that makes perfect sense. It's like a story out of a bad holo-flick. It just goes to show you, truth is stranger than fiction.

Anyway, Luke's been sleeping on the Falcon, even though the Rebs gave him quarters with the other pilots. Normally, that's fine, because he brings his droids, and R2 and I can spend the night gaming. But, if I'm going to go off and do a (potentially dangerous) job, I'd rather he not come with me.

So, I'll have to wait until he goes on a mission, and just not be here when he gets back. Then, meet my contact on Polis Massa (talk about your out-of-the-way locations!), do the job, collect the information, and come back. I may even be back before Luke!

What could possibly go wrong?

Mood: Eager.
Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

"What could possibly go wrong?"

I have a bad feeling about this.

9/27/2005 08:54:00 PM  
Blogger Captain Typho said...

"So, I'll have to wait until he goes on a mission, and just not be here when he gets back."

Great way to treat a friend, Solo. LOL!

9/27/2005 11:38:00 PM